I can't hardly believe that I am almost nearing the end of my 2nd semester of grad-school... that is I am just about at the end of my 1st year! Wowzers! Working harder than I ever have at what I really love is terrifying, frustrating, eye opening, refreshing & rewarding.
The 1st semester I struggled with feeling guilty for leaving my 2 jobs to go back to school and being treated like I had never been a respected professional before returning back to school. It was like all that I have learned and worked hard to accomplish in the last 6 years did not mean a thing. I was literally told that I am just a grad-student like all the others who do not deserve the same voice or respect that faculty do. I can tell you that I have never been treated this way during my undergraduate studies by any faculty ever. Respect was mutual. But never the less, I worked hard at my assigned tasks to try to prove otherwise but to no avail. So it forced me to work that much harder on my own studies & projects. My guilt for refocusing was relieved when someone I respect simply said sternly, NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR SPENDING TIME DOING YOUR WORK! This struck me in the best way possible.
NOW, I absolutely love my studios & truly cherish the time I spend creating, researching, dreaming, & having visitors. I realize it appears that I have been slacking off on updating this blog..but I have really been hyper focused on a specific project for the first time in a long time. Lot's of elements are at play here... such as technical difficulties. You know when you can see how you want something to be done..but you do not how to make that happen yourself because you don't know how to use the tools...is highly frustrating! So through much trial & error I have figured out enough to get to the point where I am proud of myself for the new tricks I am learning even if most of the faculty in my program see things differently.
This year I have been working on 3 major projects & a few here n' there. The 1st project is a collaborative drawing project with my great aunt who passed away last May. This project will take me till I graduate to complete & I am immensely thankful for the time that I have to work it out. Since seeing Brooklyn based artist Duke Riley's An Invitation To Lubberland at MOCA in the Cleve, I have been thinking about an artist taking time to experience total submersion into one project resulting in a multitude of awesome individual works in varied media that make for one AMAZING installation. I am looking for my collaborative with my great aunt to be works of this type of experience & magnitude. During my final review no-one had anything to say about this project at all which I am fine with because I know where I want to go with this one for the most part & when I need further input, I will know who to go to for this.
The 2nd project is another collaborative called Sign My Name where I put a call out through Facebook for people to sign my name & send it to me. After all are collected (collecting till May 1, 2012), my signature of my name along with other peoples signatures of my name will be annalayzed by a graphologist. Each signature along with the results will be complied into a Sign My Name project catalog. Select signatures will be produced as neon signs for a future installation. Not much feedback on this one either. I would have even appreciated if someone could tell me,"Hey we can help you find a graphologist to work with."
My final all faculty review of my 3rd hyper focused project titled "Three times a lady" was heavily unfavorable... even though I really like it. This project is the teaser for a new series of muti-media & performative works to come. I was told to get out of the computer with my work... which I really did not want to do, as this is my area of focus & I don't know all that much about it (kinda why I wanted to go to school... to learn something I don't know). I tried to be open & went through some very discomforting uncertainties with this project. They wanted to see me draw &/or paint with traditional materials on non traditional materials... I seriously tried but had physical aversion to these methods. Not because I don't know how to work with or appreciate these methods, these are the mediums I am most familiar with, as I have been drawing n' painting almost all of my life. It just felt wrong all along but I tried it anyway. Well, I took it back to the computer which allowed me to take the virtual world into our world. Never the less I will be exhibiting this new piece at Zadok Art Gallery on Thursday May 10, 2012 from 7-10pm.
Are reviews in grad-school just crazy or is it me? Although nervous, I was also excitedly looking for the valuable input of the faculty at my review. I can honestly say that I cannot remember one positive thing being said about me or my work. At first all was cool as I began to explain the concepts for my projects, then it went downhill when one negative comment lead to another. Even those who had been supportive all along had either stayed quiet or jumped on the band wagon leading me to question if anything that anyone was saying really had any value or merit. I am not saying that I am perfect by any means...but there is some good stuff to talk about too. When questioned... my rebuttals were cut off, talked over, unheard & not considered... I guess you could say that I am just as disappointed with them as they are with me. I am new to this, but does "review" = stand in front of the firing squad (get torn to shreds), ultimately putting me in a funk for days? So... how is this productive?
Venting & moving on to the other very important things like... (1) blogging here to help with overcoming my fear of writing... especially when I know others will be reading it. (2) taking pictures & sharing them here which has led to new conversations & opportunities that are very exciting. Before, those around me knew/know that I am always taking pictures, but have no idea what I do with them or why they haven't seen them. Now at least some of them may know to look here. I am working on some other interesting photo projects that I hope to share soon... if i still have the nerve... just kidding. This blog has helped me a great deal to get over some major issues I have had about sharing my passion for writing & photography.
Even though I have always felt uncomfortable with sharing the stages of my projects with others (except my closest peeps), I have really made an effort to get as many people as possible to visit my studio & talk with me about my work. Keeping all in mind, I believe PROCESS is the "sum it up" word of year 1 in every sense of it's definition. I have never had the time, space or place to explore my creativity to the depths that I have over these past power packed months. Although this has by no means been easy, I believe strongly in what I am doing and know that I still have much to learn. Making art is messy... literally & figuratively no matter how neat you are. Usually these are things we as artists keep to ourselves... reveling in the big reveal... as we have been trained to do... no-one need know all of the messy details & mistakes made along the way. I have learned that this is the juicy stuff, where many amazingly beautiful complex things happen. Leading me to ask ... "Why is only the seemingly perfectly pristine final products considered as the work of art?"
The 1st semester I struggled with feeling guilty for leaving my 2 jobs to go back to school and being treated like I had never been a respected professional before returning back to school. It was like all that I have learned and worked hard to accomplish in the last 6 years did not mean a thing. I was literally told that I am just a grad-student like all the others who do not deserve the same voice or respect that faculty do. I can tell you that I have never been treated this way during my undergraduate studies by any faculty ever. Respect was mutual. But never the less, I worked hard at my assigned tasks to try to prove otherwise but to no avail. So it forced me to work that much harder on my own studies & projects. My guilt for refocusing was relieved when someone I respect simply said sternly, NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR SPENDING TIME DOING YOUR WORK! This struck me in the best way possible.
NOW, I absolutely love my studios & truly cherish the time I spend creating, researching, dreaming, & having visitors. I realize it appears that I have been slacking off on updating this blog..but I have really been hyper focused on a specific project for the first time in a long time. Lot's of elements are at play here... such as technical difficulties. You know when you can see how you want something to be done..but you do not how to make that happen yourself because you don't know how to use the tools...is highly frustrating! So through much trial & error I have figured out enough to get to the point where I am proud of myself for the new tricks I am learning even if most of the faculty in my program see things differently.
This year I have been working on 3 major projects & a few here n' there. The 1st project is a collaborative drawing project with my great aunt who passed away last May. This project will take me till I graduate to complete & I am immensely thankful for the time that I have to work it out. Since seeing Brooklyn based artist Duke Riley's An Invitation To Lubberland at MOCA in the Cleve, I have been thinking about an artist taking time to experience total submersion into one project resulting in a multitude of awesome individual works in varied media that make for one AMAZING installation. I am looking for my collaborative with my great aunt to be works of this type of experience & magnitude. During my final review no-one had anything to say about this project at all which I am fine with because I know where I want to go with this one for the most part & when I need further input, I will know who to go to for this.
The 2nd project is another collaborative called Sign My Name where I put a call out through Facebook for people to sign my name & send it to me. After all are collected (collecting till May 1, 2012), my signature of my name along with other peoples signatures of my name will be annalayzed by a graphologist. Each signature along with the results will be complied into a Sign My Name project catalog. Select signatures will be produced as neon signs for a future installation. Not much feedback on this one either. I would have even appreciated if someone could tell me,"Hey we can help you find a graphologist to work with."
My final all faculty review of my 3rd hyper focused project titled "Three times a lady" was heavily unfavorable... even though I really like it. This project is the teaser for a new series of muti-media & performative works to come. I was told to get out of the computer with my work... which I really did not want to do, as this is my area of focus & I don't know all that much about it (kinda why I wanted to go to school... to learn something I don't know). I tried to be open & went through some very discomforting uncertainties with this project. They wanted to see me draw &/or paint with traditional materials on non traditional materials... I seriously tried but had physical aversion to these methods. Not because I don't know how to work with or appreciate these methods, these are the mediums I am most familiar with, as I have been drawing n' painting almost all of my life. It just felt wrong all along but I tried it anyway. Well, I took it back to the computer which allowed me to take the virtual world into our world. Never the less I will be exhibiting this new piece at Zadok Art Gallery on Thursday May 10, 2012 from 7-10pm.
Are reviews in grad-school just crazy or is it me? Although nervous, I was also excitedly looking for the valuable input of the faculty at my review. I can honestly say that I cannot remember one positive thing being said about me or my work. At first all was cool as I began to explain the concepts for my projects, then it went downhill when one negative comment lead to another. Even those who had been supportive all along had either stayed quiet or jumped on the band wagon leading me to question if anything that anyone was saying really had any value or merit. I am not saying that I am perfect by any means...but there is some good stuff to talk about too. When questioned... my rebuttals were cut off, talked over, unheard & not considered... I guess you could say that I am just as disappointed with them as they are with me. I am new to this, but does "review" = stand in front of the firing squad (get torn to shreds), ultimately putting me in a funk for days? So... how is this productive?
Venting & moving on to the other very important things like... (1) blogging here to help with overcoming my fear of writing... especially when I know others will be reading it. (2) taking pictures & sharing them here which has led to new conversations & opportunities that are very exciting. Before, those around me knew/know that I am always taking pictures, but have no idea what I do with them or why they haven't seen them. Now at least some of them may know to look here. I am working on some other interesting photo projects that I hope to share soon... if i still have the nerve... just kidding. This blog has helped me a great deal to get over some major issues I have had about sharing my passion for writing & photography.
Even though I have always felt uncomfortable with sharing the stages of my projects with others (except my closest peeps), I have really made an effort to get as many people as possible to visit my studio & talk with me about my work. Keeping all in mind, I believe PROCESS is the "sum it up" word of year 1 in every sense of it's definition. I have never had the time, space or place to explore my creativity to the depths that I have over these past power packed months. Although this has by no means been easy, I believe strongly in what I am doing and know that I still have much to learn. Making art is messy... literally & figuratively no matter how neat you are. Usually these are things we as artists keep to ourselves... reveling in the big reveal... as we have been trained to do... no-one need know all of the messy details & mistakes made along the way. I have learned that this is the juicy stuff, where many amazingly beautiful complex things happen. Leading me to ask ... "Why is only the seemingly perfectly pristine final products considered as the work of art?"
